Hello Readers

2009 November 7

I should start by saying that I track the IP addresses of everyone who visits my blog. Not all obsessive-like or anything, but more for curiosity’s sake than anything else. I don’t really look at them unless I have a day where I have 10 times as many hits as I normally would – then I check out to see where the hits are coming from globally.

I have been getting quite a few hits from France lately. What’s up France? Am I listed in a magazine over there or something?

Un grand bonjour va à nouveau mes lecteurs français.
Also, someone from Google regularly reads my blog. Hi new Google friend. I really like your products. No, you don’t even KNOW how much I like your products. If I could wrap them and give them for Christmas, I would. THAT IS HOW MUCH I LIKE THEM. And, I am only writing this because I know there is NO CHANCE IN HELL of this ever coming true – but can I have a job there? I know I already HAVE one, and I like what I do and all, but I really, really would love to work at Google. It’s like the NASA of the virtual world – every kid should dream about growing up and working there.
To the person who visited here from the Ukraine – YOU’RE MY FIRST VISITOR FROM THAT COUNTRY! I feel all special! You should too.
And finally – HI CHICAGO READERS. Boy oh boy, do you all visit my site from your places of work regularly!

Status Update

2009 November 5

1. What were my niece and nephew for Halloween?

peasandcarrots

That’s right – PEAS AND CARROTS! Best costumes ever!

2. Eric walked in on me using an elliptical trainer and eating an ice cream cone at the same time. He called me an “Enigma” for the rest of the day.

What?! Sometimes a lady just feels like being counter-productive.

3. I want to make T-shirts and sell them on this blog. They would say in really large letters “Enna Stein” and have my picture, and then under that it would have my obituary. That way, if I ever ran into one of my readers on the street I would have a legitimate reason to run away from them screaming. Currently my only reason is that I am anti-social and a bit of an asshole.

4. I threw up in storm trooper helmet once at a conference. SCORE ONE FOR THE REBEL ALLIANCE!

5. I made my Christmas list while drunk the other day. I will not lie – it included a used prosthetic leg. I wrote notes to myself next to it “Use this to store gold. Or umbrellas!” The very next thing I wrote on my list was “old timey umbrella.”

How would one go about getting a used prosthetic leg, I wonder?

Well, that’s it for me. Time for bed, and by bed I mean “searching ebay for a prosthetic leg.”

Ladies, Go Here

2009 November 5
by Enna

This woman just summed up my entire diet.

She does exactly what I do. Megan honey, you are starting to freak me out.

Also, Secret Diary of a Call Girl is a GREAT show!

What Is Even Happening Here?

2009 November 5
by Enna


www.superpoop.com

NaNoWrMo is kicking my ASS folks. Are you doing this as well? If so YOU MUST BE INSANE, because I feel INSANE. Insane meaning “I am a fucking idiot for doing this. Why the hell did I agree to this? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME THAT I HATE MYSELF THIS MUCH THAT I AGREED TO DO THIS?!” Or, you know, something along those line.

Dear Facebook

2009 November 3

Dear Facebook,

Please stop trying to peer pressure me into being social. I know, you are only trying to be helpful. I don’t care. It comes off as peer pressure.

For instance, you keep telling me to write on my mother’s wall. “Help make Maman’s Facebook experience better.” Really? Now I have TWO OF YOU guilting me into calling my mother? That ain’t right, Facebook.

And let me tell you – I do not like this new feed. I just don’t. I am sorry. I tried. I gave it a week. I could care less for it. For instance, you say this new feed is supposed to be “items I would find interesting.” REALLY? It’s not. I do not need to see people’s Mafia Wars updates, nor do I need to see somebody’s 450+ pictures of their kid’s Halloween costumes (pictures from EVERY ANGLE, thank you.) but I would want to see pictures of my niece and nephew’s Halloween costumes. But do you show me that? NOPE. I get Mafia wars.

Basically, what I am trying to say here Facebook, is I am pretty drunk, and therefore belligerent. Change it back already.

Sincerely,

Enna

PS GIVE US A DISLIKE BUTTON ALREADY. I need to acknowledge my friend’s emo status updates but without actually going so far as expend the effort to actually make a comment.

_____________________________________________

On a completely unrelated note, this is the greatest booze I have had in a very long time. I should make a column in which I review booze while intoxicated. I should call it “From My Liver to Yours.”

Yessssssssssss. This needs to happen.

Oh What Good Genes

2009 November 2
tags: , ,
by Enna

If you know me in real life – please read this. Shit, print that out and put it on your fridge.

And now, for a conversation between myself and my (new) doctor:

Doctor: “You have a very good family medical history. Um, are you sure you’re not adopted?”

Me: “No, we’re sure. I am just what’s known in nature as ‘the runt.’ If we were in the animal kingdom, my family would have left me to die right after birth.”

Doctor: “Wow. Just…wow.”

I can tell this is going to be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.

Dear Ira Glass

2009 November 1

I really like NPR. I specifically like Wait, Wait Don’t Tell Me and This American Life. I want to be on This American Life.

No, seriously, I know what I will say when I get on it.

And I have always wanted to work for NPR. I know, as a little girl I had really boring dreams.

ANYWAY, I started a blog to try to get myself onto This American Life. It’s called Letters to Ira Glass. It will be updated every day (until I get bored and give up. Or I get to appear on TAL, whichever comes first.)

Why Eric is Cranky Today

2009 October 29

My fiance Eric’s Facebook page, after he worked all night and slept during the day. It will explain why he is cranky today:

whyericiscrankyThe fact that Eric and Joe Biden are friends should be enough of a joke in itself!

 

Frankie Says Relax

2009 October 29

Come Bug My Family Where They Work

2009 October 28

My sister Leah opened a book store, and you can become a fan of her store by becoming a fan on Facebook:

Old Towne Books and Tea

Promote Your Page Too

Feel free to stop in, ask her if I am as crazy as I appear on the internet (her answer “she’s a flipping lunatic.”) and BUY SOMETHING!

Thank you!