What A Long, Strange Trip It’s Been

2010 February 8

I took a week off of this blog and got some stuff done that I needed to get done. Things like “get Eric a job” and “do my flipping taxes” and “celebrate the wedding of two good friends” and “accidentally come out of the closet at work”…

Yeah, that last one? That was a bad accident. I will be writing about that later in the week. Trust me, you will laugh until you drool. And, for those of you wondering, no, I am not gay. Never have been. And yet, a large conference of people now think I am. So there ya go.

I just paid a whole bunch of bills, which is always a fun time, and by fun time I mean “panic attack inducing event that makes me doubt almost every decision I have ever made because now I cannot afford what I want/need to afford and even though I know it is going to get better I am still freaking out for no reason.”

The more time that goes on, the more I think to myself “You stupid whore, you should have graduated high school and gone into the Air Force.” But if I had done that then none of you would be entertained currently by reading this here blog.

No, I do not want to hear how this post is not entertaining you. Shhh. Let me live in my fantasy world.

Nerd Alert!

2010 January 29
by Enna

Recently I decided to start getting myself more organized. How? By throwing away everything I haven’t touched in 3 months or more. Needless to say, there is a lot of tossing going on in my house.

Another thing I started doing is planning out my outfits for the week. And since I can never just do something, I have to make a big old thing out of everything I do, I got on the computer and got to graphic designing.

And just what does graphic design have to do with planning my outfits and getting organized?

Well, I made these:

I made these to hang on the hangers for each outfit for the day of the week. If, for some crazy reason, you don’t like plaid, I also made some alternate outfit hang tags:

You can find all of them here, if you want to be a big bad dork and print them out on cardstock and plan out your clothes, like me.

Plaid:

Monday

Tuesday

Wednesday

Thursday

Friday

Solid Colors:

Monday

Tuesday

Wednesday

Thursday

Friday

I’m All Fancy Part 2

2010 January 28
by Enna

(Scroll down and read part one first. Trust me.)

They kept serving me sparkling wine, and I kept drinking it. Listen, if it has bubbles and booze in it, I am all over it. Plus I had plenty of room to spare, seeing as there was this whole expanding panel/pocket thing going on in the front of my dress.

Then I realized something: I could drop food down my dress and it would end up in the pouch. I felt like a marsupial. A drunk marsupial.

In the end, I walked out of there with 12 rolls, 3 Heineken, and a bottle of sparkling white wine. It was a GREAT party.

I think it may be time to get rid of this dress. Orrrrr you know, I could always go to an all-you-can-eat buffet…

I’m All Fancy

2010 January 27

Eric tends to force me to shower and shave my legs and then takes me to awesome dressy work outings.

I agree to go because they tend to serve shrimp AND steak at these events. And there is a usually a dessert table. OH YOU SHOULD SEE SOME OF THE DESSERT TABLES I HAVE GORGED MYSELF ON. I eat my fill, and then the next day, when I have to roll myself out of bed, I start to feel bad about third world hunger, like a proper Methodist.

Recently I embarked on the “Great Crap Cleanout of 2010″ and found a dress I wore to one of these events.

Let me just sidetrack myself for a moment and tell you about the Great Crap Cleanout. Once a year I throw away 90% of what I own. Actually, I usually donate it to charity, but you get the idea. I think I have stated many times before that I enjoy living in an environment that looks like no one actually does live there. Eric does not share this view, and enjoys not having his things thrown away on him, like a weirdo.

So, I am cleaning out my closet, and I run across a dress that fit me like it was a size 8 and I was a size 2. It was loose, it was comfortable, and boy, I loved that dress.

Right up until I got it home, tore the tags off of it, and found out it was a maternity dress. It was like the plastic-annoying-tag-attacher-thingie-ma-bobber was blinding me to the fact that this was a maternity dress.

Eric said I could not go buy another dress, seeing as we had only half an hour until the appetizers were going to be served, and you know what that means, right?

The bar opens.

Eric gave me a choice: I could be pretty in a dress that was not designed with a strange panel/pouch and we could miss all the freeze booze, or, I could be pretty AND drunk FOR FREE in a dress that just happened to have a weird panel/pouch that no one could tell was made for pregnant women.

I chose drunk in a maternity dress, thank you very much. He was right, the bar closes when dinner is served, and I hated his boss. If I was going to deal with that man, I needed to be TRASHED to do it.

I am going to save the remainder of this story until tomorrow. Trust me, it is GOOD.

WHY? THIS IS NOT FAIR!

2010 January 26

It totally feels like -4 here right now. It is the middle of the night in Oslo, and it doesn’t feel like -4 there. I feel so cheated.

Snippets of My Life

2010 January 24
by Enna

Said to my mother, over Yahoo Instant Messenger:

OH YOU ARE ABOUT TO BLOCKED MISS WHORY MOUTH”

Said to me by Eric, when I came home from church on Sunday:

So you all full up on the Holy Spirit or are you thinking about breakfast?”

People, it was a wild weekend… and many a breakfast was made.

Yes. Fist Pumps for All!

2010 January 21

This is the most amazing video I have seen on YouTube in awhile.

I kept thinking “This has GOT to be fake!”

But it isn’t.

Helen Keller

2010 January 20

Ok, is it just me, or when someone mentions Helen Keller, do you instantly think of the movie where Helen goes around the table shoving her hands in the food and then shoving the food into her gaping maw?

No? Just me?

Every time I see someone eating with their hands, I want to say something like “Way to eat, Helen Keller!”

Is that a thing? It feels like it should be a thing.

I Cannot Stop Laughing

2010 January 18

Here are some things that have made me laugh out loud in the last week:

And then there is this. As a gun owner, this makes me giggle.

This creeps me out. And…man, does it makes me glad I like guns.

This creeps me out something fierce (also – NicCageAsEveryone.blogspot.com is my new favorite website. Seriously)

And finally:
superpoop.com
superpoop.com

Erin & I Have a Conversation

2010 January 13
Erin: ANAL BLEACHING IS SO WEIRD. Can’t even handle how strange that is.
me:  Right??? I was totally thinking it was something medical. BUT NO
Erin:  Well kind of, because you can get it done in a medical office, or I read something about a prescription
me:  Yeeeeah I don’t think there is anything medical about that
Erin:  I find it very disturbing. I would also like to meet someone who has done that. Not like a porn star or anything, just a normal person who mid-conversation is like “Did you see the Patriots play last week? I once bleached my anus.”
me:  Our conversations need to go on the internet. NOW.
___________________________________________________________
Erin: I  would like to lose enough weight by the time im 22 to be selected to go on the real world.

me: That show makes me want to shower – VIGOROUSLY
___________________________________________________________
Erin:  In all honesty, my parents would be more apt to believe I was going to spend a few months interning at the Tootsie Roll factory than they would be helping African children.
___________________________________________________________

Erin: I have my monthly goals:

1. stop single-handedly supporting Hershey by eating your weight in Hersheys kisses
2. get on your blog
3. figure out how to replace Peyton with a less sucky dog
me:  Those are some mighty fine goals