Paging Jacob Yoder…Jacob Yoder…

I pass through Union Station twice every day on my commute to and from work. The thing about Union Station is that there are an awful lot of Amish people there at all hours of the day. I know what you’re thinking, “Amish people? In downtown Chicago? At the busiest train station…of all time?” Yes. TONS OF THEM. Apparently, it is allowed for Amish to take public transportation when absolutely needed. Say, when visiting another Amish settlement in Ohio, Pennsylvania, Utah, where ever the other Amish are.

When I came into Union Station, I overheard on the P.A. System “Jacob Yoder, please come to the Great Hall to collect your women. Jacob Yoder, please come to the Great Hall to collect your women.” So I hurried, because I just had to see what on earth would cause a P.A. announcement like that. And I come around the corner, into the great hall, and see a gaggle of teenage girls in absolute SHOCK.

The police have a hobo on the ground and are trying desperately to handcuff him. He is fighting them as hard as he can and screaming profanity at the cops and/or girls.  The girls are SHOCKED. Their mouthes are open in perfect o’s and they are outright pointing at the man. Which is downright hysterical because they are all dressed like those Ingalls girls, stupid bonnets and all.

I am not sure what the hobo did, as I am constantly running late for my train as-is, plus I think if a woman with an Ipod blasting wearing PANTS stopped and asked the girls what the heck happened, their heads might explode.  Either way, when I got into the boarding area, I passed an old Amish man who was walking as briskly as I have ever seen an Amish person walk, and he looked pissed off and exasperated. Something tells me that was Jacob Yoder…

Then I get on the train, and find out that the hobo offered the girls that if they paid him $5 each, he would expose himself to them. WHAT A DEAL! He also apparently did this right in front of a female police officer, who also thought it was a great deal, so much so that she wanted it allllllll for herself.