That Explains a Lot
I got an eye exam today. My eyes apparently puzzled the eye doctor. So much so that he used more machinery in FIVE different rooms than I have ever seen in an eye exam before. It took AN HOUR AND A HALF. The diagnosis?
Apparently staring at a computer screen for 16 hours a day was really good for my up-close vision. So much so that he was really starting to wonder. Unfortunately, my far-away vision is fuxored in the extreme. He quietly asked “Do you drive?” I responded “No, I usually take public transportation or Eric will drive me.” to which he said under his breath “Thank God for that.”
In the end, I needed glasses, which I already knew. But apparently, I needed two different pairs of glasses, which sucked. I bought the first pair today, and will have to wait for the second pair until I get paid again.
The second pair? Apparently my left eye has just decided to take a vacation. Like – yeah, I’m outta here. You take over righty!
He kept switching the lenses saying “Do you see a difference? Anything? ANYTHING AT ALL ENNA? ENNA ARE YOU AWAKE?” Apparently he was switching just the left lens on the big ole torture-looking eye machine. Apparently he switched to something that an elderly person would need and I saw …no difference.
At which point he stopped and decided to test if I was blind in one eye. But first, he sat down, rubbed his temples, and asked “Enna honey are you blind? Is that why you don’t drive. You can tell me if you are blind, I can take it. You just have so much cornea damage and you don’t seem to see a difference in lenses unless I do both your eyes at the same time. I need to know – are you blind? Are you just dicking me around?”
I was like “Not the last time I checked. I just wrote a book, and I am pretty sure you need sight to do that.” (NOTICE THAT SHAMELESS “I-JUST-WROTE-A-BOOK” DROP RIGHT THERE? I HAVE BEEN DOING THAT ALL WEEK!)
So, he does a number of tests which frustrate him to no end.
Finally, he does a test which actually SHOWS me how blind I am in my left eye.
“Enna, did you notice the difference on that last one?”
“Yes, did you turn on the light when you switched to the right?”
“No.”
“And these are the same lenses?”
“Yes”
“Shit.”
“Exactly”
So, apparently the left eye is SIGNIFICANTLY dimmer and out of focus than the right. It was literally like night and day.
Next time I get paid, IT IS ON. The new glasses won’t restore or even fix my sight in my left eye, but it was stop the progression of blindness that is taking over, which I find slightly comforting in a weird way.
Like my left eye was like “Ahhhh you caught me! You totally caught me! Ok ok, I’ll be good. But only if you drop $500 in two weeks on glasses. You gotta EARN your sight little lady!”
“And don’t go cheap on this. But these glasses NOW or you might be blind in less than ten years. This has progressed rapidly in the last three years.” He said as he left the room.
Dammit does this man know me or what? He knew I was sitting there saying “Yeah, but how much is my eyesight really worth?”
You have a way of making a very scary concept seem very light-hearted. I wish everyone was able to deal with situations with your sense of humor.
Really, I don’t know how else to react other than to just be as happy as possible about the positives of the situation, and then just move on and let it go.
It’s pretty much how I act whenever something majorly bad comes up in my life.
But thanks all the same.
For $250 I’ll shine a laser pointer in your eye.
Right? THAT WAS WHAT I WAS EXPECTING TO HAPPEN! But there were all these tests – like when you see the wiggly line press the buzzer. I could see it when we tested my RIGHT eye. And then he woud go “Hmmmm” and then I would have to do another test with circles and blues and reds. And then he would go HMmmm and off to another room for another test. Then they took some pictures of my eyes, which was weird. Then they did this digital imaging where it tests pupil dialation by looking at pictures. That was about when he started getting worried because apparently ole lefty was not cooperating.
And now, of course, that he has pointed it out I CANNOT HELP BUT NOTICE IT. Like, normal people would see like this
[ . ] that dot in the center being the focal point of both your eyes, whereas my eyes are like this [ .] everything to the left is fuzzy. DAMMIT I WAS HAPPIER IGNORNANT!
Ok that example got screwy with the HTML.
My eyes are like this
nothingnothingnothingfocalpoint
Nuttin in forcus to the left.
<– has a lazy eye.
Know what's awesome?
As if bifocals weren't embarrassing enough at 30 (well, I started wearing them at 28), try explaining WHY you have bifocals.
And they do all this wacky stuff with the lenses so I have to look righthere to see in focus.
I'll lend you my electrical tape.
At least now you can play the "Super hot, smart librarian"… (a sloppy ponytail and button down shirt work wonders)
That super hot smart librarian line? Apparently that trigger the spam catching machine to be like OH NO YOU DIDNT and mark your comment as spam. Sorry about that. The two different pairs of glasses will apparently stop me from needing bifocals by 30. I was like SOLD SIR!
*contemplates getting a looking glass for her right eye before it becomes like Enna’s*
Ooooh you would be all dignified – LIKE THE MONPOLY MAN!
OH MY GOD you are my eyeball twin! Our eyes were separated at birth! My left eye is about a thousand times worse than my right! I’m technically legally blind when it comes to driving, apparently- everytime I go in to pick up my contacts they remind me not to drive without them in.
LMAO. I am still seriously wondering how I have a liscense. Ahhh state of IL, you fools!
Seriously, me too, it amazes me.
Taking that this a gradual thing, how long has this been going on? Did the eyeball doc say?
It’s happened in the last three years, or since my last eye exam, which he said was sudden in “eye-lifetimes”
THESE eyes are in the process of copy editing — be on the lookout!
WOO HOO! Thank you!
At least you don’t have astigmatism because of emo bangs covering half of your face.
True. That would be worse.